D-N-F

My dark moment at the Cayuga Trails 50 captured on video.

A crazy mind game started at Buttermilk Falls turn-around/aid station (12ish mile mark). I was having knee pain but unsure as to whether it was something I could run through or if it was something that could end up being a debilitating injury. My goal for this race was not to get hurt. I did not want to relive my Hampshire 100 experience that left me unable to run for almost 3 months. The pain that I felt at Cayuga was not quite the same as what I felt after Hampshire 100. I felt like it was runnable and that it might just work itself out but at times I worried that I was wrong and that I should stop.  My goal was to get to the start/finish/halfway point within 5 hours from the start. My plan was to grab a bite to eat, get water, roll my ITB and quads, clean off the painful area on my knee and apply my magic KT tape. I managed to reach that goal and was back on the course by 11am. My next goal was to make it to Underpass aid station (7 miles). I could have bailed at Old mill (3miles) but felt I needed more time. The KT tape was working. Unfortunately about 2 miles from Underpass I knew my race was over. I was walking more than I was running and it was almost too painful to run.  I was a crying mess. I pulled it together to pass the hikers, snot poured out of my nose, good times.  About a mile from Underpass I started to get passed by some of guys that I had been running with early on. One in particular slowed to walk next to me,  offered me some support, and I wished him well on his race. To see the painful decision making process unfold, check out the video below. You can see my thought process, I thought twice about bailing and headed toward the food but then put myself in check and said the dreadful words. I am done with the race, I need to drop. That moment started at about 1:03:27 into this video. At about 1: 05 you will see a man wearing a gray zip up sweatshirt and shorts cut across the screen(from right to left) behind the runners to where I was standing at my drop bag, crying like a baby. He said “I cant take this anymore” and gave me a big ole hug…a couple of them. I really needed that and was able to get it together. I walked to our camp site (which was a short distance off the course and about 1/4 mile from the aid station), changed my clothes cheered on Ryan,  Kristina,  and two amazing women (thank you Maria and Carolyn) who supported me during my periodic breakdowns after they completed their races. I will post pictures of the beautiful course and moments I captured from the race on my facebook page. In the meantime this is me, pure emotion…

(forward to 1:03)

http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/62937185

 

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